does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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