What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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