Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
