What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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