you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
