Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
