Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
