He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
