I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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