I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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