Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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