just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
