Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
