Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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