How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
