when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bring money and cleavage
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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