i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
