I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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