Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
