This is not my ceiling
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
