you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
