I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then my night got REAL pukey
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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