this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
