I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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