Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
