"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
