Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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