I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
