Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
