Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
