He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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