At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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