What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
