apparently the secret to your success is patron
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
