Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there is puke in my bra ... again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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