my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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