My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
