This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
