I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
