was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
