Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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