Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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