Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
