Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
