I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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