dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
