Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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