planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize