So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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