Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
