Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
