I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
