my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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