apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
