He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
