somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
