Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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