i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
