Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
