So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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