So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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