I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't shave. On purpose
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
