remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my sisters under your porch take her home
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
