someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize