I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
