I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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