Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
