It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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