just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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