I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
