I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
