Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
