so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
