wanna go halves on a baby?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
