i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
