garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
