I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
