I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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