you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've blown a few things in my day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
