Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
