conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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