apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
