The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
