guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
