I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
