I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
