I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
