she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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